August 30, 2010|
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, аnd a shot of tequila.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
Правильно это называется ПАРАПРОСДОКИИ
Тэги: Aug2010 Юмор Разное Кухонная философия
Jun2018 May2018 Apr2018 Mar2018 Feb2018 Jan2018 Dec2017 Nov2017 Oct2017 Sep2017 Aug2017 Jul2017 Jun2017 May2017 Apr2017 Mar2017 Feb2017 Jan2017 Dec2016 Nov2016 Oct2016 Sep2016 Aug2016 Jul2016 Jun2016 May2016 Apr2016 Mar2016 Feb2016 Jan2016 Dec2015 Nov2015 Oct2015 Sep2015 Aug2015 Jul2015 Jun2015 May2015 Apr2015 Mar2015 Feb2015 Jan2015 Dec2014 Nov2014 Oct2014 Sep2014 Aug2014 Jul2014 Jun2014 May2014 Apr2014 Mar2014 Feb2014 Jan2014 Dec2013 Nov2013 Oct2013 Sep2013 Aug2013 Jul2013 Jun2013 May2013 Apr2013 Mar2013 Feb2013 Jan2013 Dec2012 Nov2012 Oct2012 Sep2012 Aug2012 Jul2012 Jun2012 May2012 Apr2012 Mar2012 Feb2012 Jan2012 Dec2011 Nov2011 Oct2011 Sep2011 Aug2011 Jul2011 Jun2011 May2011 Apr2011 Mar2011 Feb2011 Jan2011 Dec2010 Nov2010 Oct2010 Sep2010 Aug2010 Jul2010 Jun2010 May2010 Apr2010 Mar2010 Feb2010 Jan2010 Dec2009 Nov2009 Oct2009 Sep2009 Aug2009 Jul2009 Jun2009 May2009 Apr2009 Mar2009 Feb2009 Jan2009 Dec2008 Nov2008 Oct2008 Sep2008 Aug2008 Jul2008 Jun2008 May2008 Apr2008 Mar2008 Feb2008 Jan2008 Dec2007 Nov2007 Oct2007 Sep2007 Aug2007 Jul2007 Jun2007 May2007 Apr2007 Mar2007 Feb2007 Jan2007 Dec2006 Nov2006 Oct2006 Sep2006 Aug2006 Jul2006 Jun2006 May2006